drysatire

Treasury to capitalize Banks

2008-10-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Treasury has found the solution to the Credit problem. From weeks of research, they have learned that the problem stems from banks not being noticeable, and also from people being scared of banks. The new plan from Treasury will accomplish both.

The plan is to capitalize banks. Bank of America will now be BANK OF AMERICA. citi will be CITI.

In one stroke, this will scare off everyone who comes to get a bad loan. It will also make people notice banks.

On a sidenote, why do people get bad loans? I usually feel stuff I buy and make sure they are firm and good. Don't people feel the loans? Or do they go bad afterwards? If so, they ought to refrigerate them, wrap them, or put an eat before date on them.

make people work for you for free!

2008-04-23T19:22:00.001-07:00

Does your work involve finding solutions? Does it involve searching for solutions, working day and night to find answers, and banging your head on the desk from time to time. Worry not.

Apparently, offering people 'points' which have no value whatsoever is enough to make them work for you. As you take your next flight to Florida or Hawaii, someone out there in cyberspace will be racking his brain to find answers and solutions to your problems. Presenting 'Yahoo Answers'. Do you have a crush? Does your Radiator leak? Did you lose your toe on your way home from work? Worry not. Log in to yahoo, ask a question and relax.

Check back the next day, while you are earning your paycheck, some mindless idiot without meaning for his life is searching for answers, for you, for free!*

*Caution : Asking questions requires four points. Providing mindnumbingly stupid answers or totally inane comments on two questions will give you these 4 points.

And then...

2008-04-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

George Bush asked China today to open talks with Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetans.

In response, Hu Jintao responded with 'xiaovit'.

In other news, A manager at Microsoft died from raptures of irony today as for the first time ever, a user chose to 'Send Report' to Microsoft after a program crashed on his computer.

Since October 25, 2001, when XP was released, not a single user had chosen to send their error reports to Microsoft. In September 2001, Microsoft had employed 'Amy Catwell', as a first responder to such error reports which were then expected to arrive in huge volumes once XP would be released. Amy was employed with a ten-year contract, with a clause binding that her salary would remain the same measly amount over the ten years. In the absence of error reports, Amy took to different hobbies at the office, including growing creepers on all window sills, leaving ridiculous post-it notes at employee desks, and calling co-workers darling.

Recently, Amy took to balloon-scratching, which drove middle management insane. Finally, on last Friday, Amy's contract was bought out with a hefty check. The expense was accounted under employee trauma care.

This monday, an error report reached microsoft from a user at Palo Alto, CA. Since the procedure had been written and Amy trained 7 years ago, no one remembered what to do with it. Meanwhile, Bob Saygin, Amy's manager suddenly had an attack of irony, and passed away before emergency help arrived.